May 22. Solemn Feast of the Holy Trinity. Contemplating our Triune God and God’s Ever Intensifying Love for Us

imagesTo Pray and Ponder On: Proverbs 8, 22-31. Psalm 8. Romans 5, 1-5. John 16, 12-15

Id quod volo (That which we desire most): To contemplate our Triune God and be in awe with the ever-intensifying love that God reveals to us, food for our hearts and souls, exemplar for our journeys.

“We have peace in God through our Lord Jesus Christ . . . and we boast in hope of the glory of God . . . because the love of God has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit that has been given to us.”

Because an eternal God is really beyond any time and space, there is no sense of speaking of God as “ever intensifying love,” except to say that within the Eternal Godhead dwells Jesus–the Word who became flesh and who continues to be the human in the Triune God–one who was of human flesh, time-bound, culture-bound, a man who grew up a good Jew and in whose life and teaching and death and rising, arose a new religious tradition bearing his name–Christianity. We can also think of “ever intensifying love” as the ever growing reception in our hearts of the constant love being poured by God into the human family. Creator-God, Redeeming God, Sanctifier and Giver of Gifts: the Father, Son and Spirit as a Trinity has revealed to us a God whose constant love has grown in intensity in our hearts as we gained more insight into the core of God’s person through generations.

Not only has God been originally revealed as Creator, but even as we write, God creates us, we draw life’s breath from God moment by moment. And every breath is witness to a God who constantly raises in us holy desires to be good, to do good, and to be more and more like God in love and service. God did not only create humans in that far distant beginning of time, no, God is Creator, moment by moment in the very foundation of our existence: sustaining us, making us grow, penetrating the most interior parts of our person, moving our hearts to love and give of ourselves to God and others.

But more than giving these gifts of creation moment by moment, we also receive this Creator-God as redeemer, as one who pays ransom for us by his offering of life. Sin has rendered each of us indebted, enslaved in the wiles of the evil one. Yet this God has drawn the evil one into a wager it could not refuse. God’s wager made the evil one think that love was just too weak to withstand the violence of power-hungry leaders or cowardly followers or messianic dreams gone political and women devotion gone too emotional. God’s wager was just too attractive to refuse: the Word of God in the Messiah crucified on the cross and silenced forever? What a victory for hell! The Messiah’s ministry failed and folded up, followers all fleeing in fear?

Yet death was not to be the last word in Calvary. When Jesus breathed his last–he also unleashed the Spirit who was to be the completion of his life–the love poured out for all. Love was to be the final word in Calvary, and this time Love was not to be silenced, for even death, love has conquered and vanquished. Love would break the walls of time and space, and shatter even the power of sin and death. No human experience would henceforth be inaccessible to God’s life and love.

Now the Spirit of God can penetrate into the inmost recesses of the human soul, dwell in the heart and carry out the imagessanctifying action of God: recalling to us everything that Jesus taught and did, inspiring us with virtues and dispositions that help us divest of anything worldly and resistant to God and elevating our desires from the base and sensual to those that are deeply spiritual and directed heavenward. That we are human, need no longer be excuse to be worldly, for our Lord remains human, and is gloriously Divine as well. And all of us are called to the same destiny. We need no longer murmur, “sapagkat kami’y tao lamang, marupok at mahina” (because we are mere humans, weak and vulnerable), because Jesus enables us to say, “kami’y tao at sa bawat sandaling kami’y tunay na nagpapakatao, higit kaming nagiging maka-Diyos” (We are humans and as we become more truly human we become more and more truly divine too). At the heart of this pagpapakatao which I’d dare translate into, “sanctification,” is the Spirit of God at work, converting us, healing our every unfreedom, elevating our desires to make them holy, and forming us into those facets of Christ which our own charisms and cluster of gifts suggest.

We thank this Triune God for gently revealing Godself to us: Creator-Redeemer-Sanctifier! Three persons in one God who continues to abide in us until Christ can gather all in all through the sanctifying work of his Spirit onto the final days when Christ will restore us all back to the Father’s loving embrace. God Bless!

May 23, 2016  Leave a comment

May 16. Solemn Feast of the Pentecost. The Spirit Renewing.

pewshotworshipcrowd002ku22To Pray on and Ponder: Acts 2, 1-11; 1 Corinthians 12, 3-7.12-13; John 20, 19-23

Id quod volo (That which we desire most): That the Spirit prepare us to become worthy temples of God’s love and life–a sanctuary for the Sacred in the world, a space from which God may reach out to others in need of creative renewal and re-charging that only God’s Breath can bring.

On this Solemnity of Pentecost, our Liturgy invites us to look back at our lives and see the invisible dynamism of life and love that renders God most intimately present to us as individual persons and as whole communities. Unlike Jesus who has shown us the visible, bodily form that makes the person of God known to us, the Holy Spirit is an invisible principle, a shapeless person of God but one whom Jesus sends with particular missions. We contemplate this unique gift of the Third Person of the Trinity because all our lives as creatures, person and Christian disciples, even missioners or apostles are given life and are sustained by this Spirit.

First the Holy Spirit is ruach, life-giving breath of God. He breathed life into creation even to the point when he fashioned humans from the earth and then breathed God life into them. But recall back the seven days of creation and we find various configurations of this invisible principle which transforms life at every stage to create order where there was chaos, light where there was only darkness, life to fill the Sacred Spaces built through years of separating and gathering–vegetation, birds, beasts, fish. And then as creation becomes more complex, the Spirit brings about movement and freedom, reason and affection, various levels of desiring whether by wishing, willing or outright wanting. Only in a matter of further “complexifying” that the creature who reasons out becomes also the creature who works and loves. At every stage a new form of excellence, a broader power to share the Creator’s work, and a deeper capability to love and give of oneself to others and to the world. Ruach is God’s breath, and where God breathes in creation, God’s life touches creatures and the rest of further creation happens over and over–ordering, movement, multiplicity and complexity, reason, freedom and at its peak, love, even perhaps the self-sacrificing love that Jesus himself exemplified.

This life shared to us by the outpouring of the Spirit of God in our lives also builds communication and inspires communion despite the fact that we gather as people who have received different gifts. By the action of the Spirit, unique people find themselves looking at their own gifts, precisely as gifts–things meant to be shared to others and things that build community.

Second, the Holy Spirit gives birth to the Church. By the action of the Spirit, we awaken to faith and this faith draws us to a communion with like beliefs and life religious practice. The Spirit seals us into the communion whose head is Christ, by sealing the baptism and confirmation we have received. The same Spirit showers many gifts and charisms to build individual members and to build the Church, with the Spirit always recalling to the Church the things that Christ taught and did. By this Christ memory, the Church gives visible spaces and occasions for the Spirit to breathe again and again new life, and newfound occasions to share and rejoice God’s forgiveness, mercy and communion among the members of the community.

Third, the Holy Spirit renews individuals from deep, deep within. As we have seen in the Gospel passage given today in Catholic liturgies, the Risen Lord appears before his disciples–at this moment dejected and desolate because they had failed their Lord, because they had fled out of fear, forgetting all the wonderful things they had witnessed through out the Public ministry of Jesus. And in this appearance, Jesus’ first words are of peace. Jesus breathes the Holy Spirit into them and at once, this fearful, motley group of desolate disciples regain their courage and faith, recognized Jesus for who he really is, and found their voice so they can proclaim the Good News of our Lord which brings about an era of peace, justice, compassion and forgiveness. Fearful disciples become transformed into courageous and zealous proclaimers, they become missioners and become ambassadors of the Lord’s presence and peace.

Like all of God’s gifts, the Spirit is always gift offered to us by our Loving God and gifts offered are still gifts to be IMG_0580received in love and freedom. We may then ask ourselves some reflection questions: first, in my life, how far deeply into my interiority do I allow the Spirit of God to penetrate me, dwell in me and transform me into a fitting temple for God’s love and life? or do I simply keep the Spirit hovering outside of me, waiting patiently to enter into the murk and chaos of my life to begin creation anew with his “Let there be Light!”; second, how far do I allow the Spirit to labour in me and give birth to Church? How much do I embrace and take responsibility for the faith the brings me into communion with others, so the faith I have received and was baptized into becomes a real personal choice that I live not only when I celebrate Eucharist with other Christian Catholics but also in my day to day, allowing my baptismal vows to flourish and mature into a genuinely discerned and committed, Christian life, mindful of the gifts and charisms I have received which I turn offer to build up the Church I embrace.

Third, how much do I engage God’s Spirit of New Life even in my desolate moments, so that animated by God’s love and life, I awaken to mission again, and bring God’s good news with courage and zeal even to a world which is sometimes crippled by fear and so chooses to put their trust in worldly things which pretend to fill their fearful hearts with false securities built on riches, power and pride? The Spirit draws us to absolute trust in God’s Providence so we can pin our hopes in God alone who can give the peace and joy we seek.

Do “Come Holy Spirit, and fills us with the fire of your love. Send forth your Spirit and renew the face of the earth.” God Bless!

May 16, 2016  Leave a comment

March 17 (Good Shepherd Sunday): “My Sheep Know Me”

Shepherd2To Pray on and Ponder: Acts 13,14.42-52; Revelation 7, 9.14b-17; John 7,1-2.10.25-30

Id quod volo (That which I desire most): That I may grow in my interior knowledge of Jesus who became human for me, for all of us, that I may truly see him more clearly, the better to love him more ardently and follow him more closely.

The one detail that caught my attention while reading the Gospel for this morning was the inhabitants of Jerusalem were asking themselves–“Could the authorities have realized that he is the Christ?” But we know where he is from.” It seems these people were themselves entertaining the possibility that Jesus was really the Messiah, but were also hesitant to pursue their questioning because their religious leaders were bent at arresting and eliminating Jesus for some reason. But that latter question “but we know where he is from” is to me an important question. Do they really know where Jesus was from. Humanly speaking, they could really have known–Jesus was from Nazareth in Galilee. But was he indeed really from there?

John’s Gospel is one which will refute such claims of knowledge of Jesus–for John includes in his Gospel a whole prologue which relocates the origins of Jesus from that described in the earlier synoptic Gospels. Mark begins his Gospel already at the wake of Jesus’ public ministry. Both Matthew and Luke inserts an infancy section, where Luke recounts from a Marian optic, Jesus as the son of Mary, while Matthew inserts an even more elaborate genealogy which inserts Jesus as Son of David in the lineage of Joseph, Jesus’ adoptive father. John identifies Jesus explicitly with the Word, who was with God when God created the world and was in fact the Word through which all creation came to be. This Word was the word that became flesh through the action of the Holy Spirit and became the child of Mary and Joseph.

But that whole prehistory of Jesus is something that needs an intentional assent, a conscious choice to believe. And only people who have been drawn by the Father to Jesus would know. “I know my sheep and my sheep know me.” This intimate and interior knowledge of Jesus is a mark of a genuine disciple of our Lord. St. Ignatius distinguishes this grace to be the mark of discipleship in the Exercises: “to see Jesus clearly, to love him more ardently and to follow him more closely.” It is this knowledge which will give disciples the wisdom and prudence to discern God’s desires for the world and the courage and generosity to give oneself in an elected vocation and mission for the fulfillment of such desires of God. In fact one can argue that my capacity to discern God’s will is nothing more than an intuitive familiarity with what God loves, much as a happily married couple begin to develop in time an intuitive familiarity with the preferences and desires of the loved one, and so discerning what his or her next action would be just comes so naturally.

It is ironic that these conversations of the people of Jerusalem happen in the context of the sukkot or the Jewish feast sukkot-insideof tabernacles or booths. For the duration of this feast the Jews are asked to eat their meals inside a pre-decorated tent. This practice is meant to help them remember and celebrate their coming back to God after they repented from the worship of the golden calf at the foot of Mount Sinai, just after they forged a Covenant with Yawheh. Sukkot it seems means renewed fellowship with God. For Christians we see in sukkot kindred theological meanings hidden in the nativity, that is the birthing of the Messiah in the house of bread, i.e., Bethlehem; palm Sunday (Jews wave palm fronds too on the feast of tabernacles), and the harvest blessing festival celebrated in autumn. But what precisely happens in John’s Gospel is quite the opposite. The people, especially the authorities plotting to kill Jesus, fixes Jesus’ meaning in their minds–a threat to a social, cultural and religious order that has kept their peace and prosperity, and so they claim to know Jesus through and through and resist any show of belief in Jesus’ true origin as the Word of God. But know Jesus, they did not. Only Jesus’ true sheep would know him.” God Bless!

April 18, 2016  Leave a comment

April 15. Exploring Conversion in St. Paul’s Journey

st-paulTo Pray on and Ponder:  Acts 9, 1-20

Id quod volo (That which I desire most deeply): That I encounter the Risen Lord, as Paul did, and in this encounter receive from our Lord an insight into the ways he offers conversion to me in my life’s journey.

The late Canadian Jesuit philosopher and theologian Bernard Lonergan, S.J. taught us much about the human experience of conversion. He says it is grounded on a person’s commitment to look at his or her experience and really seek out the truth in the realities that one experiences as well as in the self that goes through such an experience of truth-seeking and truth-telling. This level of conversion has to do with intellectual conversion. Of course one must remain attentive that his or her affective faculties help one to really engage reality and embrace it. This is because a person’s psychoemotional states and capacities can serve to delude us, fill us with prejudice or biases which may distort our perception and interpretation of realities. hence affective conversion, even psychic conversion is needed so we may truly engage reality with genuine attention and more or less accurate perception. And Intellectual conversion also includes our capacity to understand reality and draw meaning from those parts of reality that we experience. On this level the person is challenged to be intelligent in his or her inquiry into things , at times questioning, at times probing, all the time, seriously reflecting on the reality one engages from many different angles and perspectives, trying one’s best to get a glimpse of the truth of whatever reality one is engaging. Intellectual conversion nurtured by constant attentiveness and intelligent inquiry bears helps one face the challenge of a deeper conversion–moral conversion. where we are challenged to exercise our freedom and make reasonable judgments from all the data we have drawn from our attentive and intelligent engagement with things. Reasonable judgment of things help us make good decisions and undertake responsible actions which not only enrich the world and people around us, but also make us grow as free and loving persons. Intellectual conversion helps us to really look at things with attention and a critical mind, so that when we are faced with choices on how to respond to the things that we see, our choices are realistic and genuinely responsive to the needs that we apprehend. But then Lonergan explains while our commitment to these first four precepts of “being attentive,” “being intelligent,” “being reasonable,” and “being responsible” are important foundations to transcendence, what really move us to transcend our narrow parrochial concerns is the love that draws us out of ourselves and towards God and others.When we find ourselves caught up in the dynamic of love, such love animates us and transforms what we are able to see and perceive, helps us to penetrate and understand interiorly the very heart of things and helps us to stand by our commitments with fidelity and generosity.

In many ways, what Lonergan describes as conversion can be traced and verified in the experience of the great apostle to the gentiles, St. Paul. Saul of Tarsus was a zealous Jew, a pharisee whose passionate love for the law made him see those who adhere to the Jesus way as misled, even perhaps a threat to Jewish cult and practice. Thus he volunteered to pursue those who follow the Way, so that he may be of help in bringing these threats to court and so eliminate these believers in what he saw as the false way. To him his efforts were a sincere living out of his Jewish faith and nothing could be far more pleasing to God than to stamp out this Jesus movement before it gets too big.

And so the Risen Lord decides to pay Saul a visit–a quite dramatic encounter on the Road to Damascus. From his own testimony, Paul said that suddenly a bright light shone before him which toppled him from his horse, and then he heard a voice audible only to himself and not to others: “Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me?” Saul asked “who are you, sir?” and the reply came: “I am Jesus, the one you are persecuting. Now get up and go into the city and you will be told what you must do.”

This initial religious encounter would set Saul off into a lifetime journey of many conversions. In this event alone, the Spirit of Light already begins to labour to transform Saul’s way of seeing. The Light blinds Saul temporarily, loosening the grip of his own former biases so that on the third day, when his sight is restored, what he sees will be a little closer to what the Lord of the Light wants him to see.

The same Lord revealed to Ananias what Saul was to become–“this man is a chosen instrument of mine to carry my name before Gentiles, kings and the children of Israel. and I will show him what he will have to suffer for my name.” From this short line the author of the Acts of the Apostles makes us privy to the life Saul was to look forward to. His mission would be far broader than that of the Jewish Pharisee. Saul was to go out to the whole world to proclaim the man whose followers he used to pursue and persecute.

From his initial intellectual conversion, Saul, now renamed Paul, would slowly find his way to the bosom of the Church he once made to suffer. He had to take steps so those believers in the Way, by then renamed as Christians, can recover their trust in him and embrace him as one of the apostles, only that his mission was focused on people who stood outside of the Jewish faith. Did he really suffer? Certainly, Paul had to endure the doubts and fickleness of some of the original believers. For it is not often that we see former persecutors becoming passionate promoters in a short span of time. And then Paul had to face a community which thought God willed for Christians to be Jews first, and then become Christians. Through the efforts of Paul and Barnabbas, eventually the Council of Jerusalem recognized that it could happen that a gentile be converted and ask to be baptized as a Christian and that such a person need not convert to the Jewish faith before he gets baptized as a Christian.

Paul’s theological and pastoral writings speak much of his characteristic love for the (Jewish) law, but such a devotion did not lead him to support the Judaizers in imposing the Jewish faith on would-be Gentile Christians. We are saved by grace that comes from the Spirit of God in whom we have been baptized and not by mere fidelity to the Law. Paul also had to use his gifts in discernment, leadership and administration so that Christians who see in themselves many varied gifts may not be misled to selfish autonomous works but may learn to see their gifts in complement to and collaboration with others who carry other gifts. Hence the Church Saul once persecuted and wished to destroy, Paul now loved dearly and helped to build up. It was at the core of his original converting vision that this Church made up the Body of Christ and he had to exercise ministry so that the many different parts of this one body may really work together to build up the whole.

For sure Paul went through many other crises characteristic of those active in the apostolate. Cardinal Martini suggests that Paul had to endure crises in friendships, for instance with the other apostolic leader–Peter who as an avid Jew would have shown vacillation in whether to support the Judaizers or confirm the new non-Jewish converts without forcing them to become Jews. And Paul would have rebuked Peter when he did vacillate. Furthermore, Cardinal Martini talks about some falling out with Barnabbas, the apostle who helped to initially integrate Paul to the apostolic body. The conflict may have been caused by Paul’s gentle approach to the young disciple John Mark whose immature ways may have affected their ministry. Barnabbas may have preferred Paul to be clearer and firmer with his young ward. And then the many travails of missionary work–shipwrecks, hunger, poverty, resistance, false accusations, arrest and imprisonment. Finally, Paul speaks of some “thorn in the flesh,” a difficulty that may be a root weakness in his personality, something which blocks his fuller commitment to Christ, yet ironically, says Paul, makes him always humble before Christ, seeing himself as a vulnerable earthen vessel that holds an infinitely greater treasure such as the Christ.

Paul’s journey as a believer would have gone through many conversions of the mind, the heart and the will so that in vatican-rome-italy-st-peters-saint-paul-a0m0kathe end, he can proudly proclaim, “I have run the race, fought a good fight and am now ready to claim my prize,” so that on that latter point in his life, he knew he was prepared to die, yet he was really also content to continue living and serving the Lord. What death did Paul suffer?–he was said to have been privileged to die the more compassionate way because he was a Roman Citizen. He died by decapitation. He was beheaded–pain was minimal because death was swift, unlike Peter’s execution by crucifixion, and inverted at that, slow painful, excruciating death. But through it all, it was Paul’s encounter with so great a love as the Risen Lord’s that fired him. It was this love that gave his vision to things the breadth of horizon that only the mystery of God’s plan held. It was love that made Paul capable of loving even amidst suffering and pain. It was love that gave him a distinct spirit of generosity and zeal that stretched him beyond his previous limits so that he may proclaim the Word of God, really to the ends of the earth.

We ask that the Lord accompany us through our life-long conversion. We pray that God take away whatever scales that block our spiritual vision to the lofty dreams of God for our lives, so that locked into God’s dreams we may offer receive God’s love and offer our lives completely to the spreading of that love to others. God Bless!

April 15, 2016  Leave a comment

April 10. What We Can Draw from a Three-Part Greek Dialogue on Loving

2011123415belt_inside_newTo Pray on and Ponder: John 21, 15-19.

Id quod volo (That which we desire most): To encounter the Risen Lord who receives us unconditionally with the kind of love we are prepared to give and challenges us to stretch that love a bit more.

By the Lake of Tiberias, the Risen Lord gathers his disciples again and serves them breakfast. It must have been awkward at first. After all, all but one of them deserted Jesus at the time of his passion. Peter even denied him just hours after the latter had passionately sworn that he would give his life for him. In my own contemplations on this story, I found a Jesus who turned this awkward situation into a fun breakfast scene, when the Risen Lord would set all of them laughing during a hearty meal of charcoal-grilled fish. As Ignatius said, this Risen Lord is one who brings consolation to people who encounter him. He does want to give complete joy to his friends.

After the breakfast, the one who would have felt most awkward, Peter, was called aside by Jesus. Many biblical commentators say that the conversation that follows after is like a ceremonial healing for Peter: three times he denied our Lord, and now, three times, our Lord asks him, “Simon, son of John, do you love me, more than these?” Each time, Peter renews his yes to our Lord.180px-caravaggio-crucifixion_of_peter

But little Greek helps us unlock deeper meanings to this. Apparently what we read as simply “love” in Jesus’ threefold question and Peter’s threefold response involves not one but two Greek forms of the word “love.” As you know the Greek language has three forms of the word “love.” Eros, the first form refers to sexual love. Philein refers to the love of friends. Agape refers to self-sacrificing love that is the kind of love God loves us with.

What is a bit intriguing is that in the ensuing conversation between Peter and our Lord, our Lord kept asking Peter, “Simon, son of John, do you love (agape) me, and in both places, Peter responds, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love (philein) you.” Was Peter humbly telling the Lord, “you know Lord that I do want to love you with the depth of agape, but for now what I am prepared to give is my love for a friend (philein).” And so the third time the Lord asked, he actually changed his question into “Simon, son of John, do you love me as a friend (philein)?” And Peter responds again with “Yes Lord, you know that I love you as a friend (philein). The Gospel also says Peter was a bit aggrieved that the Lord asked him a third time.

This time around, did Jesus lower his expectations to the level of loving that Peter was prepared to give, showing us all that God really does receive from us the kind of loving response we are prepared to give. Knowing these subtle IMG_0900meanings from the Greek, we realize too that the final words of Jesus to Peter were not words of foreboding or words of warning, but on the contrary, these are words of assurance. It’s as if Jesus was telling Peter, it’s okay, Peter, I understand this is the loving you’re prepared to give me for now, but know that in the future you will love me and glorify me in the way that I love you. You will also be crucified like me.

We ask and pray, that Jesus continue to receive us in the kind of loving we are prepared to give him at this time of our lives, We also express our trust that through him and with his Spirit in our hearts, our own loving, despite its flimsiness, vulnerability, fickle-mindedness and shallowness will also come to fruition and become the kind of divine, self-sacrificing love that is truly the way Christ loves. God Bless!

April 10, 2016  Leave a comment

April 3. Divine Mercy Sunday (Second Sunday of Easter): When Love Touches Doubt

st_thomas_caravagio_756x548To Pray on and Ponder: John 20, 21-29.

Id quod volo: That we may have the courage to open our wounds to Jesus’ healing touch so we like Thomas the Doubter may be healed and disposed to exclaim to Jesus: “My Lord and My God!”

There is something about the sense of touch which connotes a more committed stance, than say, the sense of sight. Because while we can steal glances and even stares (as wily peeping toms would try to do), when we touch, what we touch, always touches us back. There is immediacy in our contact with another person, and immediately we know, instinctively by a person’s touch if that person means us harm or good, if that person wants to communicate caring or violence or neediness or even a plot to abuse.

Our language for deep emotion even carries the language of touch. Especially among Filipinos we express being deeply moved as “I was touched!” We’d use such a phrase in describing for instance having been affected by a dramatic tearjerker telenovela scene, or a moving testimony by a friend or even a stranger, o a deeply religious experience.

The apostle Thomas, ever the doubter, had received word from his companions that the Lord Jesus had indeed risen and had appeared to all of them. Unfortunately he was out of the house the first time the Risen Lord visited. Despite the testimony of all his friends however, Thomas persisted in his doubt and even declared he would not believe until he himself touched the Lord, probed his hands and side to feel the Lord’s wounds. He just needed this touch to prove to himself that it was really Jesus before him, the Jesus who was crucified and died and was buried.

I was thinking, Thomas was holding not only a difficult enough stance of the empiricist’s “I have to see for myself to believe.” No, his proof was founded on touch. “I have to touch the Lord’s wounds to believe.” I was trying hard to fathom this stance and the only way I could find meaning in it is to think of the woundedness the fueled Thomas’ doubt. Thomas was deeply hurt by the violent death of a hero and friend. He was also grieving for lost dreams and lost friendship. And worse he was probably self-loathing for failing to be by his Lord’s side when Jesus most needed him, all for fear of backlash from the Jews.

How else can such a deep woundedness and doubt be healed except by the experience of profound forgiveness and Creation-hands-Lunconditional love. The moment Jesus appears again, he calls on Thomas and gives in to Thomas’ challenge. “Come Thomas, put your finger into the holes on my hands and my side. Do not persist in your unbelief but believe.” Thomas did touch Jesus’ wounds and the only words he could exclaim were “My Lord and My God!,” a confession of faith which was probably the most advanced so far at that time–acknowledging Jesus’ Lordship and Jesus’ divinity. Yet Jesus in response still confronts Thomas, and then blesses the rest of us next. Jesus affirms Thomas faith, though rebukes him gently that he believes only because he has seen and touched. And so Jesus blesses the rest of us: “Blessed are there who have not seen yet believe.” I’d like to think all of us in this generation are included in that blessing, even though I also believe that the riches of Ignatian prayer have given us the privilege of “seeing” and “touching” Jesus in very real and moving ways, with the eyes of faith in prayer helping us to fathom mystery.

But notice this great truth: Even though at the surface it was Thomas, touching Jesus’ wounds, the opposite was quite true as well, Jesus’ unconditional love and mercy touched Thomas wounds and doubt and those gestures were enough to hush away other doubts and make Thomas believe. I think many of us know that truth from experience, in moments of doubt it is the loving touch of friends and family the hushes our questions, perhaps not so much because our questions had been answered, but because the love we feel is enough to help us bear the questions even if they remained unanswered. God Bless!

April 2, 2016  Leave a comment

April 1. Remembering the Poignant Story of Tiberias: From Misery to Mercy to Mission.

th-18To Pray on and Ponder: John 21, 1-19

Id quod volo (That which we desire most deeply): A renewed encounter with the Risen Lord who receives us in mercy and compassion and heals us from the misery of sin to renewed sense of the Lord’s entrusting to us of our share in His mission.

I am not sure if we are supposed to assume that this apparition of Jesus to his disciples by the lakeshore of Tiberias happened after several other previous apparitions had already taken place, but this particular apparition somehow represents a “complete” religious experience in itself. When Peter announces “I am going to fish” it sounds to me as though Peter was taking on again the things that he had left behind when he first chose to follow Jesus. And to me this was a sign of misery–a backslide of sorts. The leader of Jesus’ followers was stepping back from mission and returning to the life he had before he followed Jesus. And now, all the other disciples wanted to go with Peter. They all went out and got into the boat. But like that scene in the Sea of Galilee when Jesus called the first disciples, they caught nothing. Life and ministry without Jesus are always wanting in fruit, and yield nothing.

And then of course, Jesus appears and all things change.”Cast the net on the right side of the boat and you will find something.” Was it the case that all night long, the fish hid on the right side of the boat and rendered the left side empty? Weren’t they working in the same lake? Or was Jesus talking about that working on the wrong side of things because the Lord was not with them in their work? And so when they cast the net again on the right side of the boat, they did catch fish–an abundance of fish! Immediately John knew and said to Peter, “It is the Lord.” And hearing John’s words, Peter dressed up and then threw himself into the water, wanting to immediately swim to shore and see Jesus. For some reason though, Peter reached the shore last, while the two boats filled with the big catch reached the shore aheard. Before disciples could come around Jesus, the Lord already shouted to invite them by the fire. “Bring some of the fish that you caught,” Jesus asked.

In my own contemplation, a very humorous, irreverent Risen Lord was presiding over breakfast–keeping the tone of the conversation light and humorous, as if to lighten up the tension among the disciples who seem to continue doubting and to draw his followers into fuller reconciliation and restoration of communion. I mean I heard Jesus calling out to John and Andrew–telling them lovingly to sit on his right and on his left, “o, at least while I’m still here on earth, enjoy the moment, for in this breakfast, you will be the chief waiters. (And the disciples laugh hard!) “O Matthew, can’t you clean the fish any faster? I bet you’re still looking for coins in the mouths of fish that’s why it’s taking you so long! (And the disciples laugh again!) O Nathaniel, what are you doing by the fig tree–are you doing what I think you’re doing? There’s a comfort room somewhere near that house, you can pee there. (Haha, the disciples laugh yet again!) O Simon, please call Cleopas, Mary and Mom. Mom just went to the house because she wanted to prepare fried rice for you to go with the grilled fish. Peter finally reaching the shore, went closer to the group sheepishly. Jesus handed him a towel saying, “Finally, you’re here Peter, come closer, come by the fire. Here’s a towel you can use to dry up a bit. I wouldn’t want you sneezing before the cock crows–the disciples laugh again, with Peter showing on his pale-pink face a grin masking a frown.

When the meal was in progress, Jesus said, “a few days more I go to my Father in heaven, but you can be sure, I will gojesus_peter_fish ahead because I want to prepare a place for each one of you. When I leave, I will entrust you to the Spirit, he will take care of you, and will empower you to forgive those who repent of their sins.”

And then Jesus called Peter whom he really wanted to confirm as his leadership is crucial for the group. Peter himself receives mercy, with Jesus asking him three times to confirm his love and to renew his commitment to support his brothers and as it were, feed the sheep. Three confirmations to heal the pangs of his three previous denials.

But the one really touching part in this reconciliation conversation between Jesus and Peter was this: “Amen, amen I say to you, when you were younger, you used to dress yourself and go where you wanted; but when you grow old, you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you want to
go . . . follow me.” The evangelist John commented that these words of Jesus indicated the way Peter was to die. By tradition we know that Peter was crucified as Jesus was, but at Peter’s request, the leader of the apostles asked to be crucified upside down for he felt himself unworthy to die his master’s death.

To me, Jesus’ words can also indicate the kind of obedience that all followers of the Lord experience growing in their hearts as they mature in ministry. It’s this sense of being drawn to follow more faithfully and with less and less self-leading, just a free and focused following of Jesus’ lead.

And so we pause and reflect: When were those moments when we entertained some doubts in the Lord’s presence in our lives, especially in moments of crises or darkness? Return to those moments when we were tempted to take on once more sinful practices and destructive ways of coping that we lived by before our self-commitment to the Lord? How did these episodes of “backsliding” feel? From what we notice in our experience, how does God call our attention and make us remember our covenant with him and renew our love and commitment to him and his redemptive project?

As we continue to reflect on the Easter mysteries, may we also heal through God’s gift of mercy and receive a renewed entrustment to us of mission. God Bless!

April 1, 2016  Leave a comment

March 30. Two Disciples Walk to Emmaus: When God’s Story Irupts Into Ours

ev4pa13To Pray on and Ponder: Luke 24, 13-35

Id quod volo (That which we desire most): To notice and savour moments in our lives when God’s story irrupts into ours and with his presence palpably felt, we feel our hurts burning.

Even the most committed and loving Christians, Church leaders and ministers, included, can live months and years of their lives doing the routine, workaday, ordinary stuff without the consoling visits from God. Life goes on and on with its usual alternative highs and lows, peaks and ebbs. We even read of someone like Mother Teresa of Calcutta who would spend most of her days serving the poorest of the poor when interiorly she’d feel herself wrestling or enduring what she perceived as the darkness of God’s absence and so she simply prayed over and over, “Come be my Light.”

In these darker moments, our better selves continue to engage the “absent God.” We find ourselves at times reporting, at times complaining, often times asking and begging for our own needs and those of others who ask us to intercede. At other times we quarrel with him whom we know entrusted some work to us and then had since left us fending for ourselves. We lament, we negotiate for what we think are our entitlements, we vent frustration at silence. Like shadow boxers we throw punches into the air. And we do all these until we get too tired to continue crying. We find ourselves stopping our shrieks and sobs. And then when silence begins to settle again, when strong emotions fade away from within our hearts, and when our minds seem to have cleared, with the tears having washed away the webs of thoughts that had crowded the mind, then some real prayer begins. We get a glimpse of wisdom from somewhere that somehow allows the light to dawn. We get to discern some order and light from all the chaos that we’ve been through. Even when we have yet to recognize the Lord, somehow we sense we are not alone anymore and there just might be another way of telling our story so with hearts burning, we listen more to this mystery unfolding.

And then slowly, we remember parts of our lives that had been kept in the dark before. For a long time I have perhaps needed to keep to a sad, self-sacrificing story, so many joyful experiences remained cut off from my memory. For a long time I have probably needed to keep to my humorous, light hearted, comic persona before my publics and so nobody knew how sad or angry I was deep inside, and so each time sadness and anger visited me, I’d quickly sweep it under the rug so to speak, lest others or I myself begin to pay attention to these unwanted feelings and then chaos would follow. Or perhaps I have many conflicting desires in my heart that I’m afraid others would find offensive and so I keep them to myself, showing one face of myself to one of my publics and another face to another. I am perhaps the goody-goody character before my family and workmates and then become this wild and uncontrollable character to friends before whom I can let my hair down. When God begins to draw us out of ourselves, God’s grace attracts our better selves and draws our hidden darker selves out as well, giving assurances that love receives the whole of our person. Love honours the better desires that made us frantically seeking and unfortunately led us to more superficial deals with the shady characters of our story. Love invites us to trust in His care and providence so that we may heal and find our way home to the one who can really put our pieces together again. Who was it who said, the reason why they couldn’t put Humpty-Dumpty together again was because they only called all the King’s horses and all the King’s men and never bothered to call the King himself?

Then we sense, the more we allow the Lord to enter into our shadows, the more light he would bring to us. And with God’s light and assurance of unconditional love, we make choices that are more appropriate, that express genuine love for ourselves and others. And in due time, we find our stories retold to us with less gaps, less inconsistencies, less of the shame or fear or anger or guilt. And our stories would be something we can better embrace to be mirrors of who we are and who God is for us. Yes, God becomes a visible character as well. For knowing ourselves more clearly, we begin to get a glimpse of this loving God as another beautiful character in our story who had been long hidden behind the scenes. This time God comes to the foreground and before God we can begin to face ourselves not only as whole, but also as beautiful, a character to whom God looks with great delight. We see God more clearly now and recognize him. And see God with his loving gaze fixed on us, creating us even more with his delight and love.

So that was why our hearts were burning back then. So that was why that new relationship felt right, it may have stirred fear because of past wounds, but it did feel right–a gift received at the right time. So that was why that trip seemed right. It promised new experiences, new sights, new places to explore and a new self with newfound openness and wonder. So that’s why the call to forgive that person who wounded me, felt right. Humbling, daring perhaps, maybe stupid in the mind of others but the time the call came, I know it was the right thing to do. So that’s why recovering the art that I’ve seen flourish in my younger days felt right. Returning to drawing and painting seems to draw out a lot of creative passion in me and helps me to see so many aspects of myself I never imagined were inside me in the first place. As I draw or paint, the Great artist up there seems to be drawing my self as well, and yes, I like what I am seeing.

Seeing my genuine self unfolding also makes me begin to see and recognize God for who God is, not how I thought he th-20was on account of all the past I have endured and I thought God had caused. And ironically, while I was limiting God to whom I thought God was to justify my painful story, the real God was right there walking with me, loving me, constantly knocking at any door in my guarded self where he could enter to bring more light and love, offering me precious wisdom with which to see and recognize my more complete story which is God’s story as well. And henceforth, I know I must be mindful of when my heart burns, when I sense some inner movement in my heart, those moments when my God calls my attention. For I know that if I only stay and ask the Lord to stay with us, what we previously felt as faint and subtle signs of God’s presence would begin to unfold and irrupt as God’s Sacred Story elaborates in my own.

And so we pause and reflect: What 2-3 moments in your life did you sense God’s presence and activity? When did you sense God’s wisdom slowly helping you make sense of your life’s experiences–especially those you found too painful to hold, or for which you felt anger, fear or shame? How did you sense God helping you complete your story, gifting you with a sense of self that you can better receive with reverence and love, in all its ambivalent facts–joys and pains, sweetness and bitterness, lights and shadows, with its dyings and risings to new life? God bless!

March 30, 2016  Leave a comment

March 29. Encountering Jesus, Our Consoler

th-15To Pray on and Ponder: Acts 2, 14-33; Psalm 16, 1-2a.5-11; Matthew 28, 8-15

Id quod volo: To encounter Jesus, our Risen Lord, the very source and wellspring of our deep consolations, as he brings to healing the wounds that hurt us deep within, makes us feel his joy in new life and fresh gush of love and compassion, and makes present to us again all the joyful memories that make up our core identity as children of God.

Towards the end of the Ignatian retreat, to invite retreatants to consider communion with the risen Lord, St. Ignatius suggests that the retreatant consider contemplating Jesus in the resurrection narratives and suggests for the retreatant to notice two things–first, that Jesus performs for his disciples and others, the unique role of the consoler. Jesus goes about consoling people, calming their fears, healing their wounds, quickening their hearts with fire and zeal for mission. Second, Ignatius also suggests that retreatants see in Jesus, divinity manifesting itself fully, revealing light and love and life–three sure signs of God’s abiding presence among us.

In our liturgy for  Monday of the Easter Octave, we encounter Jesus as he meets up with the women who came from the tomb. He sends the women to tell the good news that he has risen, and this while the Pharisees bribe the guards to make up a false story to prevent any news that threatens to resurrect what they believe to be the Jesus myth. That we are here today among millions of other believers in Jesus Christ bears witness to the strength of the testimony of those women, and the strength of their message too. “Tell them to go to Galilee and there I will see them.”

Right there in the first sending of the women to become apostles to the disciples of Jesus, we already see, tell tale signs of something mysterious and big happening. How can the testimony of women find force in a community that holds women in second place–and with this the contrary rumours spread by religious authorities and Roman guards.

The disciples did as Jesus told them (believing in the women’s words of course!). They went to Galilee and waited for Jesus there. Galilee for sure meant a lot to the disciples. Galilee was a place of much joy and fruitfulness in ministry. It represented for the disciples almost three years of intimate companions, of getting to know Jesus closely, of doing fruitful ministry with the Master, of seeing him do lots of signs up close, of seeing crowds thicken and increase by the day, and perhaps building their expectation about the real power their master and teacher possessed.

And in many ways, the Jerusalem events put a halt to their consoling Galilee experience, and so Jerusalem came to represent–horror, and frustration and much fear. Jerusalem was where their dreams were dampened and broken. In Jerusalem, they were paralyzed with a lot of fear for their lives and for sure, guilt and shame for the way they had abandoned, even denied their master.

But now, Jesus was bidding them all to go to Galilee. Jesus was making them go where their consolations were alive, where the joy of companionship and service was planted, and grew and bloomed and bore fruit. Jesus was asking them to embrace love and life and light anew. The days of Jerusalem darkness are over, and now it’s time for them to regroup and rebuild their ministry.

Jesus consoles them. He makes them remember their past joys and experience these joys well up again like a spring. tumblr_l83ol7ItgW1qchu5wJesus heals them of their wounds of betrayal and abandonment, and tells them to fear not and forgive, to build communion again. Jesus gifts them anew with the gift of truth and love. Truth that will make them take responsibility for their sins and surrender all their weakness to God’s healing love again.

In due time, these same men would be seen again in the streets of Jerusalem, preaching boldly with the fire of the Spirit, penetrating even cultures beyond their familiar world by their word and work, most ordinary though these are, when now said and done in the name of Jesus, their Risen Lord and Master, assumes in their flesh the very power and wisdom of God.

We ask in this easter octave, that we also receive the deep consolations Jesus our Risen Lord comes to offer us: that we may see him more clearly, love him more ardently and follow him more closely, with his consolations helping us to fly again in his friendship and service. God Bless and still Happy Easter!

March 29, 2016  Leave a comment

March 29. Monday of the Easter Octave. Meeting Jesus Our Consoler.

To Pray on and Ponder:  Acts 2, 14-33; Psalm 16, 1-2a.5-11; Matthew 28, 8-15

Id quod volo:  To encounter Jesus, our Risen Lord, the very source and wellspring of our deep consolations, as he brings to healing the wounds that hurt us deep within, makes us feel his joy in new life and fresh gush of love and compassion, and makes present to us again all the joyful memories that make up our core identity as children of God.

Towards the end of the retreat, to invite retreatants to consider communion with the risen Lord, he suggests that the retreatant consider contemplating Jesus in the resurrection narratives and notice two things–first, that Jesus performs for his disciples and others, the unique role of the consoler. Jesus goes about consoling people, calming their fears, healing their wounds, quickening their hearts with fire and zeal for mission. Second, Ignatius also suggests that retreatants see in Jesus, divinity manifesting itself fully, revealing light and love and life–three sure signs of God’s abiding presence among us.

In our liturgy for today, Monday of the Easter Octave, we encounter Jesus as he meets up with the women who came from the tomb. He sends the women to tell the good news that he has risen, and this while the Pharisees bribe the guards to make up a false story to prevent any news that threatens to resurrect what they believe to be the Jesus myth. That we are here today among millions of other believers in Jesus Christ bears witness to the strength of the testimony of those women, and the strength of their message too. “Tell them to go to Galilee and there I will see them.”

Right there in the first sending of the women to become apostles to the disciples of Jesus, we already see, tell tale signs of something mysterious and big happening. How can the testimony of women find force in a community that holds women in second place–and with this the contrary rumours spread by religious authorities and Roman guards.

The disciples did as Jesus told them (believing in the women’s words of course!). They went to Galilee and waited for Jesus there. Galilee for sure meant a lot to the disciples. Galilee was a place of much joy and fruitfulness in ministry. It represented for the disciples almost three years of intimate companions, of getting to know Jesus closely, of doing fruitful ministry with the Master, of seeing him do lots of signs up close, of seeing crowds thicken and increase by the day, and perhaps building their expectation about the real power their master and teacher possessed.

And in many ways, the Jerusalem events put a halt to their consoling Galilee experience, and so Jerusalem came to represent–horror, and frustration and much fear. Jerusalem was where their dreams were dampened and broken. In Jerusalem, they were paralyzed with a lot of fear for their lives and for sure, guilt and shame for the way they had abandoned, even denied their master.

But now, Jesus was bidding them all to go to Galilee. Jesus was making them go where their consolations were alive, where the joy of companionship and service was planted, and grew and bloomed and bore fruit. Jesus was asking them to embrace love and life and light anew. The days of Jerusalem darkness are over, and now it’s time for them to regroup and rebuild their ministry.

Jesus consoles them. He makes them remember their past joys and experience these joys well up again like a spring. Jesus heals them of their wounds of betrayal and abandonment, and tells them to fear not and forgive, to build communion again. Jesus gifts them anew with the gift of truth and love. Truth that will make them take responsibility for their sins and surrender all their weakness to God’s healing love again.

In due time, these same men would be seen again in the streets of Jerusalem, preaching boldly with the fire of the Spirit, penetrating even cultures beyond their familiar world by their word and work, most ordinary though these are, when now said and done in the name of Jesus, their Risen Lord and Master, assumes in their flesh the very power and wisdom of God.

We ask in this easter octave, that we also receive the deep consolations Jesus our Risen Lord comes to offer us: that we may see him more clearly, love him more ardently and follow him more closely, with his consolations helping us to fly again in his friendship and service. God Bless and still Happy Easter!

 

March 29, 2016  Leave a comment

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